Scars Never Fade
by Rainyrose
Summary: What if Sirius found out about the blood quill scars on the back of Harry's hand?  A worried godfather vows to do whatever it takes to put a stop to Umbridge's cruel treatment, but Harry refuses to cooperate. AU Fifth Year.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!_

_The beginning of this story takes place in chapter 24 of OOTP after Harry finds out he is going to be taking Occlumency lessons with Snape._

**Chapter 1**

Dinner that evening was an unpleasant affair; the sting of Snape's visit hung over me as I picked at my food, unable to suppress the cold knot of dread in my stomach. Ron and Hermione kept glancing at me in pity when they thought I wasn't looking but I pretended to let it go unnoticed. I didn't really feel like talking to them right now. After taking a few bites and pushing the rest of my food aimlessly around my plate, I politely excused myself to go upstairs to "finish packing" and get ready for bed. Mrs. Weasley frowned disapprovingly at my measly appetite but nodded her consent, knowing that we'd be rising early tomorrow morning to return to Hogwarts.

I managed to avoid everyone's gazes as I pushed out my chair and carried my full plate to the sink, then turned and left the basement kitchen. When the door shut behind me I heard the low grumble of voices start up again and somehow knew that they were talking about me. I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

I continued climbing the stairs and had just reached the doorway of the bedroom I shared with Ron on the second landing when I heard a stair creak behind me. I started and spun around only to find myself face to face with my godfather. He was frowning at me.

"Is everything alright?" he asked. I guess my actions down in the kitchen had concerned him.

"Everything's fine, Sirius," I said, avoiding his gaze. If I was being honest with myself I was more worried about _him_ than I was about myself, I just didn't know how to tell him that. I knew that Snape's comments had hurt Sirius despite the fact that he tried to hide it, and I didn't want him to do something stupid.

Sirius hesitated then said, "I know Snape's a git, but I'm sure Occlumency won't be that bad. After all, Dumbledore would have his hide if he did anything… unsatisfactory… in the lessons." I could hear the doubt behind his words even though he tried to make them sound convincing. My heart went out to my godfather for trying to cheer me up though even if it wasn't working.

I just shrugged in response and rubbed my eyes tiredly, wondering why life had to be so complicated all the time. Sirius put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze, opening his mouth to speak, but then-

He suddenly moved as though he was going to strike me and I jumped back, only to find my wrist captured tightly in his vice-like grip. I gasped in pain and surprise.

"Sirius? What-" I broke off, realization washing over me in cold dread. Sirius was looking closely at the back of my right hand, the hand where the words _I must not tell lies_ were etched permanently upon the pale skin.

"Harry?" he demanded breathlessly. "What is this?"

I kept my face tilted downwards so I wouldn't have to look into his eyes and see whatever emotions might be hidden there- anger, disappointment, fear… I tried to tug my hand back so I could hide it but my wrist was still clenched too tightly in his death grip. My silence seemed to stimulate his anger.

"Harry, tell me who did this to you _now._" I could hear his voice shaking. My fingers were beginning to go numb.

I knew I had to say something soon, but I _really_ didn't want to talk about this. It hadn't bothered me in weeks, so why should it matter now? "I was in detention, Sirius," I finally muttered, and with one last sharp tug I tore my hand away from him and took a few steps backward, shoving both hands deep into my pockets. With the evidence now out of sight my mind cleared a bit, and I looked up. Sirius looked murderous and was standing rigidly in the doorway of the bedroom, blocking my only escape.

I turned away and began rummaging through my school trunk, as though checking to see if I'd packed everything. There wasn't something specific I was looking for or anything but I thought that maybe if I looked busy Sirius would leave me alone. I wasn't in the mood to have another _'discussion' _right now anyway after everything that had happened over the course of the day.

Unfortunately my godfather didn't take the hint. The door shut with a snap and I looked up to see Sirius cross the room to sit down on my bed. He bent over with his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.

I just stood there, feeling suddenly awkward. I'd never seen him show emotion like this before except for that one time in Dumbledore's office after the third task when I was telling them about shadows of my parents coming out of Voldemort's wand. I wasn't sure if I should go over to him or leave him to brood in peace. I was just about to ask him if he was okay when he raised his head and looked at me.

"It was Umbridge, wasn't it?" he asked quietly. I hesitated, wanting to shake my head in denial but I couldn't bring myself to blatantly lie to him. "I knew that woman was trouble. I knew something like this would happen, I told Dumbledore! Why didn't you say anything to me, Harry?" His eyes were filled with a hurt that I never wanted to see on his face ever again.

That broke my resolve to stay silent. "I couldn't let her get to me. She was trying to make everyone think I'd been telling lies about-"

"It's not your responsibility to keep silent about this and endure her torture, Harry! You should've at least gone to Dumbledore!"

"He's got enough to worry about without me adding to it," I growled. Sirius's words reminded me of what happened after my nightmare in Dumbledore's office before the holidays and how bitter I currently felt towards the headmaster, but I pushed it to the back of my mind.

Sirius was shaking his head, his brow furrowed. "Listen. I'm not very happy with Dumbledore right now either, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go to him when you need help. He could have put a stop to this." Sirius paused. "How many detentions did you say you had?"

"I didn't say," I replied shortly.

"Harry-"

"I really don't want to talk about this right now," I said, tossing everything I'd dumped onto the floor back into my trunk, making no effort to be neat. My face felt flushed and my eyes were itchy. Not because I was going to cry, but because I was exhausted. It had been a long day and all I wanted was to go to bed.

Sirius made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. I pretended to ignore him and continued piling the dirty robes and socks that had been strewn across the floor. The silence between us grew awkward again and I self consciously rubbed the back of my neck with my free hand. Then I realized that it was my right hand, the hand with the scars, and I immediately dropped it again.

When there were no more possessions for me to pick up I grabbed my pajamas and muttered something about going to use the loo. Sirius made no move to stop me so I opened the door and slipped out. When I glanced back, I saw him sitting with his head in his hands again.

The hallway carpet muffled my footsteps, for which I was glad. I didn't want any of the Weasleys to come up here if they realized that I was still awake. I shut the bathroom door behind me and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I hadn't wanted Sirius to find out. I hadn't wanted _anyone_ to find out about what really took place during my detentions with Umbridge… and I knew Sirius wouldn't stay quiet about it. He would go straight to Dumbledore, who would demand to know why I hadn't come to him in the first place, which would compel me to ask him for the real reason why he wouldn't look at me and why he'd never told me that Voldemort might be able to read my mind. And I knew that if I asked those questions Dumbledore wouldn't be honest with me. And on top of everything else I would now be taking Occlumency lessons with Snape, of all people…. I shivered, imagining for a brief moment what it would be like to have that man poking around in my head. I immediately felt nauseous.

I turned on the sink and splashed my face with cold water. I didn't want to think about any of this anymore. All I wanted was to go to sleep and pretend that none of this had happened; that Arthur Weasley hadn't been attacked, that I wasn't receiving visions from Voldemort and that Sirius hadn't found out about the scars. I let the water drip off my face slowly as I stared at the drain, my thoughts drifting.

Sirius's anger was worrisome - I knew that he would probably do something stupid like show up at Hogwarts and curse Umbridge if I ever had another detention with her again. And then he'd get chucked back in Azkaban because of me. I exhaled and backed up to lean against the closed door, rubbing my red eyes agitatedly and wishing that for once in my life things were simple. If only we didn't have to go back to Hogwarts tomorrow, and I could have a chance to explain the situation to Sirius once my head cleared a bit….

I returned to the bedroom a few minutes later to find a familiar bearlike black dog curled up on the foot of my bed. He emitted a high pitched whine when I entered and thumped his tail against the bedspread. I stuffed my robes into a corner of my trunk and allowed the lid to slam shut over them. I could feel Padfoot watching me as I pulled back the covers on my bed and got in, setting my glasses on the bedside table and turning out the lights. As I settled myself into a more comfortable position Padfoot whined again. I looked up at him.

"I'm fine, Sirius. Really," I told the dog. He blinked at me sadly for a moment, then curled into a tighter ball around my feet.

It took me a while, but eventually Padfoot's snores lulled me to sleep.

Morning seemed to come far too quickly. I was jerked from my light sleep when Ron dropped the pile of books he'd been carrying to his trunk, one of them being his battered copy of the Monster Book of Monsters. It took us twenty minutes to round it up, and by then the rest of the house was a flurry of activity. Shouting could be heard downstairs from both Mrs. Weasley and the portrait of Sirius's mum; apparently Fred's trunk had burst open in the hallway and his entire stock of Filibuster Fireworks had gone off. As I hastily squashed the lid of my trunk shut over my belongings and locked it I briefly wondered where Sirius was; he hadn't been on my bed this morning when Ron woke me up.

Ron helped me drag my trunk out onto the landing and called down to Tonks, who came up and levitated my belongings down the stairs for me. I had doubled back to help Ron with his stuff and to get Hedwig when I literally ran into Hermione.

"Oomph- Sorry Hermione-"

"There you are, Harry! Sirius is looking for you- I think he's in the drawing room," she said breathlessly, looking rather hassled. She went to help Ron persuade Pig to come down from the top of the wardrobe without waiting for a reply. I figured they'd take care of Hedwig for me as well so I changed direction and set off in search of Sirius instead. When I got to the drawing room I cautiously peaked in, and found him standing beside one of the cabinets we'd cleaned out over the summer, scowling at the Black family tree.

When he noticed me watching him he sent me a grim smile and beckoned me over. I reached his side and opened my mouth to speak, then paused. After yesterday I wasn't quite sure what to say.

Sirius held up his hand. "I know we don't really have time to talk about anything right now, Harry, which is why I'm giving you this." He held up the badly wrapped package in his hands, which I hadn't noticed until now. "Open it when you get to Hogwarts- I don't think Molly would approve." He held it out to me.

I hesitated before reaching out to accept the gift. "Er. What is it?" I asked uncertainly. I wasn't sure if I wanted to use it, whatever it was, especially since Sirius had flat out told me that Mrs. Weasley wouldn't want me to have it. I tried to formulate a guess as to what such a small, square package could be but my mind came up blank. Fortunately Sirius solved this problem for me.

"It's a mirror," said Sirius.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why would I need a mirror?" I asked, now entirely confused.

Sirius chuckled and clapped me on the shoulder. "You'll find out once you open it at Hogwarts," he said mysteriously and playfully mussed up my hair. "Keep that someplace safe." I scowled at him before allowing my lips to break into a thin smile and slipped the package into my pocket where I knew I wouldn't forget about it.

We walked out of the drawing room and down the stairs together. As I'd expected, Ron and Hermione had put Hedwig in her cage for me and given her a few owl treats for the journey. Lupin and Tonks were helping the twins and Ginny drag their trunks over the threshold of Grimmauld Place while Mrs. Weasley ushered them all out like a mother hen, wishing them a safe journey. I watched it all for a moment, suddenly a bit reluctant to leave. I had a bad feeling about this parting that I couldn't explain. I didn't want to say goodbye to Sirius.

I turned to my godfather, intending to voice my fears only to find myself enveloped in a bone crushing hug. To say I was surprised at this show of affection was an understatement. I stood stiffly as he rested his hollowed cheek against my hair, his hands gripping my back tightly and I could feel him shaking slightly with suppressed emotion. I returned the hug the best I could and tried to ignore the sudden lump in my throat.

Sirius abruptly pulled back and placed both hands on my shoulders. He looked me straight in the eye and said tightly, "Take care of yourself, Harry." I only had time to nod before Mrs. Weasley seized me and pulled me towards the door after Ron and Hermione. She hugged me as well and after one last shout for the twins to "Behave yourselves!" the door slammed shut behind us and we were on our way.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

**Chapter 2**

The Knight Bus dropped us off in Hogsmead just outside the Hogwarts gates. After saying goodbye to Lupin and Tonks (and promising Lupin that I'd put in a sincere effort towards learning Occlumency despite the fact that my teacher was a git) we trudged up the slippery pathway to the castle, dragging our trunks. It was a slow and tedious journey. Hermione started chatting about the house elf clothes she'd knitted over the holiday which promptly turned into a bickering match between her and Ron over elfish welfare. I tuned them out and allowed my thoughts to wander. There was a strange constricted feeling in my chest and for the first time in my life I did not want to return to the castle. I wondered whether this was because of my impending doom in the dungeons with Snape or because I had nothing left to look forward to- I was banned from playing Quidditch, classes were vigorously preparing us for the upcoming OWL's, and we were bound to soon be buried up to our noses in homework.

Fred and George reached the castle doors first. They tossed their trunks carelessly inside before turning to help Ginny. Before lugging my own belongings up the steps I put Hedwig's cage on the ground and opened it for her. "Go on up to the owlry, Hedwig," I said quietly. She nipped me lightly on the finger before spreading her wings and taking off. I watched her until she disappeared around a distant part of the castle before following the others inside with a heavy heart.

We left our trunks in the entrance hall with the other student's belongings and immediately headed into the Great Hall for lunch. It was filled with excited chatter and the delicious aroma of food. I hadn't eaten anything so far today so I was starving.

"I'm so hungry I could eat Buckbeak," said Ron, who had eaten half the food Mrs. Weasley provided for breakfast this morning before I woke up. His stomach rumbled loudly as if it'd felt the need to confirm this. Hermione rolled her eyes at him but thankfully didn't start another argument.

There were plenty of empty seats at the Gryffindor table because most of the returning students would be arriving later that evening on the Hogwarts Express. We sat down opposite the rest of the Weasley clan and began serving ourselves. I was just about to enthusiastically dig into my sandwich when I felt a prickling feeling on the back of my neck like someone was watching me. My eyes swept over the head table and I spotted Umbridge staring at me with an ugly simpering smirk on her toad-like face. She caught my eye and her smirk grew wider until she was practically baring her teeth at me. I immediately lost my appetite, and looked back down at my untouched sandwich. Perhaps I should try to steer clear of her this year like Sirius wanted; there was something extremely unsettling about that look she was giving me.

Speaking of Sirius… I shifted in my seat and felt the package slide around in my pocket. Suddenly eager to escape to somewhere more private to open it, I stood up.

Everyone looked up at me in surprise.

"Er…," I said uncomfortably. "I just remembered… I need to go to the loo."

"But Harry," Hermione protested, "You haven't eaten anything!"

"Relax, Hermione!" Ron cut in over a mouthful of food. "He'll be right back! Won't you, Harry?"

It took me a moment to realize that Ron was still waiting for an answer. "I-Yeah-" I said over my shoulder as I hurried out of the Great Hall. Hermione was watching me with narrowed eyes and the twins were muttering to each other. I guess I hadn't been all that convincing. Making a mental note to work on that, I quickened my pace and took off up the stairs.

It took me less than ten minutes to get to the Fat Lady's portrait before I realized that I didn't know what the new password was. I stood there stupidly for a moment as the Fat Lady passively picked at her nails, wracking my brains for another place to go to open the gift. There was no way I was just going to open it here in the corridor, not with other students passing by. For one, I didn't want to look like a prat carrying around a pocket mirror. I also didn't want someone to somehow find out that it was the infamous prisoner escapee Sirius Black who gave it to me. I bit my lip, thinking.

"Are you ever going to ask me the password, dear?" The Fat Lady inquired, still focused on her nails.

"I-uh. No. Sorry." I turned and slowly walked back the way I had come from. There was Moaning Myrtle's bathroom on the second floor, but I'd really prefer to avoid the ghost if possible. I vividly recalled the last time I had run into her in the prefect's bathroom last year. All I can say is that it was an extremely embarrassing experience that I did not want to repeat. Ever.

Perhaps an unused classroom would do….

I slapped my hand against my forehead. Of course! The Room of Requirement! I started jogging down another hallway, shaking my head in disbelief that I'd forgotten about that. Without a DA meeting scheduled I was sure to have privacy. It would be the perfect place.

My thoughts were interrupted once again when I turned another corner and ran smack into someone who fell to the floor from the force of the impact. I looked down guiltily and saw that it was a little first year Hufflepuff. She blinked dazedly up at me.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I immediately apologized, and reached out a hand to help her back up. But then the little girl seemed to realize who I was and gave a small gasp, her eyes growing round. I stood awkwardly with my hand outstretched, slightly perturbed by her staring.

"Er." I said. "Are you okay?"

The first year pushed herself back to her feet then turned and fearfully ran away down the corridor. I let my hand fall back to my side as my insides grew cold. It appeared that I was still labeled as an 'unstable, raving lunatic', as I'd officially been dubbed by the Ministry this year. I mentally cursed Fudge and his Ministry lackeys for making my life even more miserable than it should have already been with Voldemort back.

By the time I sat down in the Room of Requirement (which looked like a miniature replica of the Gryffindor common room) my thoughts were bitter and my mood was steadily spiraling downward. _So much for having a good first day back_, I thought grumpily as I dug my hand into my pocket and pulled out the badly wrapped package. I tore off the paper and sure enough, a small square mirror fell out into my lap. It looked very ordinary and very dirty. I turned it over cautiously and found a messily scribbled note from Sirius on the back.

_This is a two-way mirror. I've got the other. If you need to speak to me, just say my name into it; you'll appear in my mirror and I'll be able to talk in yours. James and I used to use them when we were in separate detentions._

My heart leapt into my throat. I could talk to Sirius with this? I flipped the mirror back over so that I was staring at my own reflection. I clutched at the edges of the glass with excited, trembling fingers, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my dad had used this mirror once when he was at Hogwarts. I imagined him for a moment, sitting in Filch's office writing lines or something, with the mirror propped up against his bag on the floor with Sirius's face in it. They had probably planned pranks against Filch while in detention and the caretaker had been none the wiser. I grinned and held the mirror up so that it was level with my face.

"Sirius Black," I said clearly. My breath misted the glass slightly and I wiped it off with the sleeve of my robe. I waited, wondering what was going to happen.

The mirror suddenly shimmered and my godfather's smiling face slid into view. "I was wondering when you were going to open it," he said, grinning broadly, "Although I must admit this was sooner than I'd expected."

"Sirius!" I exclaimed loudly, and my voice echoed in the empty room. I had so many questions and I didn't know which one to ask first. "How- What- Where did you get this?"

Sirius was laughing at my surprised stuttering. He held up a hand. "Slow down, Harry. One question at a time. And James and I enchanted them like this in our sixth year," he added.

I scowled at him but couldn't keep the smile off my face for long. "This was really my dad's?" I asked in awe, fingering the edges of the glass again. I didn't have much that belonged to my father other than my invisibility cloak and the Marauder's Map. Holding another of his belongings meant a great deal to me.

Sirius was still smiling as he nodded. "It sure was, Kiddo," he said softly, and his eyes took on a distant look as he reminisced. "I couldn't believe it when I found them just sitting around headquarters. I'd almost forgotten about them until now."

"Well it's a great idea to use them," I said enthusiastically. "Umbridge has been reading our mail and I don't know of another way I could talk to you. She's even watching the fires now too."

Sirius frowned at the mention of Umbridge and I mentally scolded myself for bringing her up. "That's part of the reason why I gave the mirror to you, Harry," he said seriously, any trace of a smile gone. "I want you to tell me if she or Snape gives you any trouble."

My happiness plummeted as I was reminded that my first Occlumency lesson with Snape was tomorrow evening. For one brief, shining moment all my troubles had slipped my mind but Sirius's words brought them back at full force. I was sure that Snape was going to be awful to me in the lessons and there was no way I could possibly tell Sirius about them. He wouldn't be able to do anything to prevent it from happening so there was no point in worrying him.

My expression must have revealed some of my emotions because Sirius said slowly, "Harry, please promise me that you'll talk to me if something happens. I know you don't want to but it could help." I still felt reluctant. Sirius tried again. "It's my duty as godfather to help you and I've done a pretty rotten job at it so far. At least give me a chance to fix that."

Now I felt too guilty to say no. I settled on scowling at him again. "You haven't done a rotten job," I muttered.

Sirius let out a bark of humorless laughter at that. "Oh yeah? Where was I over the summer when you were being attacked by dementors? Where was I when you were fighting Voldemort in that graveyard?"

"You didn't know any that was going to happen!" I protested. "No one did!"

Sirius continued as if he didn't hear me. "I should have been there helping you but I wasn't. So this is my chance to make up for that. I can't be at Hogwarts in person so at least let me talk to you once in a while through the mirror." He ended his mini-speech by looking stubbornly at me with his jaw set. I knew he wasn't going to take no for an answer, and I had to admit that talking to my godfather on a regular basis sounded almost too good to be true.

I sighed in resignation and nodded, then looked away when Sirius grinned again in satisfaction. He must have noticed my downcast mood because he dropped the grin right away and changed the subject. "So where exactly are you?" he asked curiously, glancing around at the empty room behind me. "It looks like the common room only smaller."

So I told him all about the Room of Requirement and how its magic worked. Sirius was fascinated; the marauders had never discovered the room on their explorations of the castle, although he did say that James may have once mistaken it for a broom cupboard. I sniggered then, and at Sirius's raised eyebrow I elaborated on how Fred and George had done exactly the same thing whilst running away from Filch.

"This is where we've been holding DA meetings. I can't imagine a better place for it- the room provides us with pillows, dummies, books… pretty much anything we need in order to practice defending ourselves." I looked proudly around the room, recalling the DA members' enthusiasm and success in the meetings before break. Everyone had expressed so much excitement when I mentioned that we'd be practicing patronuses after Christmas; it would be a tough series of lessons for sure but I couldn't wait to see how well everyone would perform. I had complete confidence in every member, even Neville. It would take time but we were sure to get the end product eventually.

Sirius cleared his throat and I realized with a start that I'd been spacing off. I looked at him sheepishly, then proceeded to turn red when my stomach rumbled loudly.

"Hungry, are you?" Sirius said.

"Yeah… I kind of skipped out on lunch to come up here and talk to you," I explained.

"Harry, you really need to eat more," Sirius reprimanded, looking a bit worried. "You barely touched your dinner last night and I know for a fact that you didn't have breakfast this morning."

"I'll be fine, Sirius," I said, rolling my eyes. The last thing I needed right now was for Sirius to get on my back about eating the proper amount at mealtimes. I had Hermione for that. "I promise I'll eat dinner tonight, okay? I'm starving." He looked at me, obviously trying to decide if I was lying to him or not, and decided in the end that I was being honest.

"Alright Harry. I've got to go soon, we have a meeting starting at five." I started, glancing around the room for a clock and immediately one appeared on the mantel over the fireplace; it was indeed almost five o'clock. We'd been talking for much longer than I'd realized and I lost track of time. Ron and Hermione would surely be wondering where I was by now. I looked back into the mirror and saw Sirius looking over his shoulder towards what I assumed was the doorway to whatever room he was sitting in. "The Order's arriving now," he said reluctantly, turning back to me. Sure enough, in the background I could hear Mrs. Black's distant screaming and assumed that the Order members had come in through the front door.

"Okay," I said, and felt that pang in my chest again. "Talk to you soon though?" I asked hopefully.

"Definitely," Sirius said, shooting me another grin. "I want to hear all about your lesson with Snape tomorrow." He waited for me to nod in agreement. "I've got to go now, Harry. Take care."

"Bye," I said softly.

The mirror shimmered and went blank.

0 0 0 0 0 0

I went down to the Great Hall for an early dinner and was just finishing when Ron and Hermione pounced on me. I hadn't seen them enter the hall so their sudden appearance behind me caused me to choke on my mouthful of shepherd's pie. Ron slapped me on the back as Hermione loudly lectured me about disappearing without telling anyone where I was going.

"You said you were coming right back and then you weren't in the dormitory! You can't just disappear like that, Harry!" Hermione snapped angrily. I could tell that behind the anger she was worried, though.

I held up my hands innocently after my airways cleared enough for me to breathe properly again. "Calm down Hermione," I said quietly, trying to get her to lower her voice; her shouting was starting to attract attention from the other students. "I'll tell you where I was when there aren't so many people around." She sternly raised an eyebrow and I knew she wasn't going to drop it unless I elaborated, so I leaned forward and whispered, "I was talking to Sirius."

That got her to shut up. She dropped into a seat across from me, eyes wide in surprise, as Ron exclaimed, "What! Siri-"

"Not here! I'll tell you later!" I repeated in a hushed tone, cutting him off before he could finish. There were far too many students eavesdropping now for us to talk about this, and I chanced a quick glance at the head table to see that Umbridge was watching us too. I immediately felt nervous and shifted in my seat. She hadn't heard what Ron said, had she?

Ron and Hermione ate quickly and then we all hurried up to Gryffindor Tower together. The moment we walked through the portrait hole (I took note that the new password was bezoar) they pushed me into a chair in the far corner of the common room.

"Spill," said Hermione impatiently, but took care to keep her voice down so the group of second years lounging in front of the fire wouldn't hear. "How in the world did you talk to Sirius?"

I glanced around to make sure nobody was watching before I reached into my pocket and pulled out the mirror. "Sirius gave me this in a package before we left headquarters. I didn't know what the password was to get into the tower and I wanted to open it somewhere private, so I went to the Room of Requirement."

Ron groaned in frustration and shook his head. "I _knew_ we should have checked for you in there!"

Hermione was more fascinated with the mirror. "What does it do?" she asked curiously, eyeing the grime around the edges of the glass.

"Sirius has one exactly like this with him," I said, holding it out for her to see. "All you have to do is say his name and his face appears in the glass. We talked for a while; I didn't realize how late it got before he had to leave for an Order meeting."

"I wonder where he found this?" Hermione wondered aloud, running her finger down the side of the mirror before passing it on to Ron to inspect. "It must have taken a really strong protean charm to create something like this, maybe branched with some sort of communication charm…." She trailed off, thinking.

"He told me that he and my dad enchanted them during their sixth year," I said. Ron handed the mirror back to me and I pocketed it. "I dunno how they did it but I can ask tomorrow if you'd like."

Hermione nodded distantly, as if she hadn't really registered what I'd said. I looked at Ron and I shrugged. Sometimes it was best to just leave Hermione to her thoughts. Ron then challenged me to a game of chess and I accepted, willing to do anything to take my mind off my dreaded Occlumency lesson tomorrow. I lost spectacularly three times in a row before we all decided that it was time for bed and trooped up to our beds. Hopefully tomorrow would turn out better than today had.

I should know by now not to get my hopes up about things like that.

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! I'll try to get ch. 3 up by the end of next week.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for all the positive feedback so far! It really is my number one motivation to continue writing. I apologize for the slight delay with this new chapter; classes were a bit more hectic this week than I had expected them to be. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the new chapter and don't hesitate to drop me a review if you like it or if you have any suggestions!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

Ch. 3

I woke the next morning before anyone else in the dorm room. A few feeble rays of light shone through the window beside my bed and I lay still for a moment, soaking in its warmth and wishing that I could just lie here all day rather than get up and go to class. But sitting and thinking about the day ahead made me anxious and I couldn't stay still any longer. I groped for my glasses on the table beside my bed and shoved them onto my face before stumbling around in an attempt to get dressed.

As it was still a bit early for breakfast I made my way down into the common room and lounged in front of the fire, waiting for everyone else to rise. I'd been sitting for a while daydreaming before Hermione came yawning down the steps to the girls' dormitories. She was fiddling with the strap on her book bag and didn't see me until I waved her over.

"Where's Ron?" she asked. "He's not still asleep, is he?"

"I dunno," I said. I wondered if I should go check on him. Hermione seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"If he doesn't get down here soon we'll just have to go to breakfast without him," she stated matter-of-factly as other sleepy students began to filter out through the portrait hole. "He's running late." She set down her bag and added, "He shouldn't be cutting it so close- We have potions first thing this morning and I doubt Snape is going to be very happy if he misses it!"

My stomach lurched at her words. "I'll go get him," I said, and immediately leapt up from the couch and hurried up the stairs. Although I knew my Occlumency lesson wasn't until tonight, and there was no way in hell I was going to make Snape angry by arriving late to his class. That was the last thing I needed right now.

Sure enough when I reentered our room Ron was still in bed, oblivious to the noise Seamus, Dean, and Neville were making as they packed their bags for class. I groaned.

"We already tried to wake him up," said Neville in response to my unasked question. "He just rolled back over and fell asleep again."

"Ron," I said loudly and prodded him on the shoulder. "Get up."

My friend ignored me and only hugged his pillow tighter.

"Stupid prat," I muttered, shaking my head as I urgently seized the full pitcher of water on his windowsill. "You're asking for it."

Desperate times called for desperate measures, after all, and I definitely thought that missing Snape's class qualified as a "desperate" situation. Without any hesitation I promptly dumped the entire contents over his head.

Ron bolted upright, sputtering and gasping in shock. The room exploded with laughter- Seamus was doubled over in stitches while Dean and Neville were each clutching their sides, gasping for breath. I sighed in relief and unfortunately turned to put the water pitcher back just as Ron scampered out from under his sopping covers and dove at me. I yelped and leapt to the side and Ron hit the floor with a thud, his legs still tangled in his sheets.

"HARRY, YOU GIT!" Ron shouted as he struggled to free himself. Seamus was positively howling now.

"You'll thank me for it later," I said as I started to gather his books for him and stuffed them into his bag before I turned back to my best mate. "C'mon, Ron, we've got potions first thing!" I had to speak loudly over the din from Dean, Seamus, and Neville since they continued to guffaw over Ron's predicament as they the pounded excitedly down the stairs.

It took a moment for my words to register in Ron's sleepy brain but when they did his eyes widened.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Slipping and sliding, Ron seized a rumpled set of robes and dashed to the bathroom to get changed. When he emerged a few seconds later his hair was still plastered to his head but at least he was ready. I thrust his book bag into his hands and together we ran down the stairs to the now empty common room to discover that Hermione had left without us.

By the time we finally arrived in the Great Hall there were hardly any students left and breakfast was just about finished. We both grabbed a stack of toast to eat on our way to the dungeons and hurried back into the Entrance Hall, all the while Ron grumbling about being cold. I didn't blame him though; the dungeons were always freezing and he was still soaked.

"You don't happen to know any drying charms, do you?" Ron grouched through a mouthful of toast as he rubbed his arms.

I shook my head. Hermione was the one who was good at that kind of stuff, not me. "Ask Hermione to cast one on you when Snape's not looking," I suggested.

"Fat chance. She'll just say I deserve to be cold after sleeping in."

I opened my mouth to deny this but before I could I was interrupted.

"Mr. Potter! POTTER!"

I turned to find Professor McGonagall bustling towards us just as we were about to set foot onto the stairs to the dungeons. She looked agitated and I had a feeling that she'd been waiting for me to enter the Great Hall since breakfast had started. I immediately wracked my brains for any misendeavours I may have committed since returning to the castle, but I couldn't think of any.

"Off you go, Weasley," McGonagall snapped, waving her hands impatiently at Ron who was gaping speechlessly at her, apparently under the impression that I was about to receive a detention. To me it felt as if I had already been sentenced to one; there was no way I was going to be on time for Snape now….

"Professor," I began feebly, "I'm late for Potions…." My words trailed off into nothing as she shot me a withering glare.

"I am aware of that, Mr. Potter," she said, and eyed Ron's messy attire out of the corner of her eye. "But I insist that you accompany me to my office- don't worry, boy, you're not in trouble," she added when I opened my mouth to protest.

I gloomily waved goodbye to Ron as I changed direction and began to follow my head of house instead. The journey to her office was a silent one and my imagination ran wild as I tried to guess what she could possibly want from me on the first day of the spring term. When we finally reached the door to her office she opened it and stepped aside to allow me to enter first. I wearily complied, still clueless as to what this could possibly be about.

The door shut with an ominous snap and McGonagall gestured for me to take a seat in the stiff armchair situated in front of her desk. I sat nervously and fidgeted with a stray thread on my robe as she took a seat across from me.

"Ginger newt?" she offered, holding out the tin tray that had been sitting on her desk.

I shook my head. "No thank you," I declined politely. I thought it would be in my best interest to remain on my best behavior just in case McGonagall decided to change her mind and take house points or something.

I silently watched as the professor returned the tray to her desk and shuffled a few papers around in one of the drawers. When she was done nitpicking she raised her head, brow creased and lips pressed into a thin line as her face became a mask of seriousness. My eyes met hers as she stared at me for a moment, her stern expression flickering slightly, before she leaned forward and folded her hands neatly upon her desk.

"Mr. Potter," she began softly, and I was startled by the abrupt change in tone. "I want you to know that as a Hogwarts professor, I take the health and safety of my students very seriously. Should either of those become jeopardized in any way, it becomes my personal responsibility to investigate the situation in order to reinstate the well-being of that student." She stopped talking then, and just looked at me as if she expected me to begin shouting or arguing or something. I stared back, confused.

She cleared her throat and sighed in apparent resignation when it was clear I still didn't know what she was talking about. "Mr. Black approached the headmaster last night at an Order meeting and shared with him a very disturbing story- and also made a rather severe accusation- concerning Professor Umbridge." Again she paused, but this time my stomach flipped with cold fear as her eyes slowly lost contact with mine and traveled downward to rest on the back of my right hand, which had frozen in the act of pulling the loose thread free from my robe. I was filled with a terrifying rush of comprehension that made my head spin.

_Oh no,_ was all I could think. _No, no, no._ There was a buzzing noise in my ears and my brain seemed to temporarily stop working. But deep down something told me I was stupid for not seeing this coming- obviously Sirius had been very upset the night he had seen my scars so of course he would have blabbed. In my defense I had expected Professor Dumbledore to be the one to consult me, not McGonagall even if she was my head of house, so it wasn't totally my fault that I'd been caught by surprise.

"Potter, why in the world did you not approach a teacher with this issue?" McGonagall asked in barely concealed exasperation when I failed, yet again, to say anything. "Did it never occur to you that perhaps Madam Umbridge was abusing her authority?"

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, but still no words came out. Finally I managed to stutter, "She- I- I didn't think…."

"My office is open at all times, Potter, as is Professor Dumbledore's, for precisely this reason. Given the fact that Umbridge was using an _illegal object_ on you during your detentions, I am _astounded_ that you didn't think to report her!"

I could feel the heat creeping up my cheeks in shame and embarrassment; McGonagall always had a way of making me feel as if I'd done something incredibly stupid, no matter what the situation. But then something else McGonagall said registered in my brain and I sat up a bit straighter in my chair.

"Wait- Illegal object?" I exclaimed. How the bloody hell was I supposed to know that the damn quill was an illegal object? Neither Ron nor Hermione had said anything about that! Once again I was confronted with my ignorance of the wizarding world resultant from my muggle upbringing. I mentally cursed my own stupidity again for not thinking of such a possibility myself.

McGonagall's expression softened. "It is called a Blood Quill," she explained. "It is a very dark magical object that has been outlawed in the wizarding world since the reign of Grindelwald."

I absorbed this information silently and McGonagall looked at me oddly again. Was she still expecting me to fly off the handle and begin shouting, or something? These fleeting looks were becoming disconcerting.

"Potter," she started again, "As difficult as this may be for you to talk about, I need to know exactly what happened during your detentions."

I fidgeted in my seat uncomfortably. "What more is there to talk about?" I mumbled, flushing at the thought of reliving them for a professor. "She made me write lines in my own blood. I think that's pretty self-explanatory."

"Professor Umbridge never… enforced any other means of disciplinary action?" McGonagall clarified. "She never talked to you or attempted to physically cause bodily harm?"

This was starting to get really, really awkward, I thought as my cheeks continued to burn. I couldn't bring myself to meet my professor's gaze but I shook my head negatively.

"No," I said.

McGonagall still looked doubtful.

"I mean, she talked to me a bit," I elaborated, eager to have this confrontation over with as soon as possible, "but it wasn't like she was- I dunno- saying really horrible things about me or anything."

"Are you sure, Potter?"

"Positive," I insisted. I still didn't like the look she was giving me. I could tell she didn't entirely believe me.

"Well then. May I see your hand?" she asked, and reached out to grasp it as I reluctantly lifted my arm. She ran her fingers lightly over the white scars spelling _I must not tell lies_ and the disgust on her face was clear. I wondered what she was thinking then. Did she think I was a coward? A fool for not coming forward with the truth?

"I didn't want to give her the satisfaction," I blurted out, suddenly compelled to justify my actions (or lack thereof). "She was trying to get to me, and involving a teacher would have just made it worse."

McGonagall sighed. "Not unless we could have put a stop to it first, Harry," she said gently, and I was shocked at the use of my first name. "No student deserves abuse of any kind from a professor, yourself included."

"I know, I just…." I paused, searching for the right words. "I understand that what she did to me was wrong, but…."

She sighed again and closed her eyes briefly. "Harry…. It is alright to trust an adult with a crisis that is out of your control. You shouldn't be expected to bear a burden like this alone."

I didn't know how to reply to that. I'd never had an adult that I could rely on before coming to Hogwarts, and even after I met Sirius I still preferred to keep most of my inner turmoil to myself. The Dursleys never cared much about my problems- in fact, throughout the majority of my childhood the Dursleys _were_ the root of my problems.

"Will Professor Dumbledore be able to sack Umbridge?" I asked instead.

"I fail to see how the Ministry can ignore a case of harassment and abuse despite Fudge's misgivings about Professor Dumbledore," McGonagall replied as she pushed back her chair to rise. "I promise you, Potter, that we will do everything within our power to ensure that that woman never teaches a Defense Against the Dark Arts class at Hogwarts again."

I couldn't help but smile a bit at that and nodded in relief. Perhaps now we'd finally get a decent defense professor. I recognized that we had reached the end of our discussion and stood up to leave.

"I will contact you to explain the necessary proceedings once Professor Dumbledore alerts the Minister of this issue. And Potter-" McGonagall waited until I looked at her. "Please don't hesitate to stop by my office if you have any concerns about anything in the future."

I felt a sudden rush of gratitude for my head of house. "Yes, Professor," I said.

As I turned away, I saw a look of deepest remorse cross her face.

0 0 0 0 0 0

I was standing in front of the closed door to Snape's classroom before I realized that I'd forgotten to ask McGonagall for a note. I knew Snape probably wouldn't have accepted it as a legitimate excuse for my tardiness anyways, but it still would have been better than showing up at his classroom thirty minutes late and empty handed.

I took a moment to collect myself before I pushed the door open and entered the dreaded classroom. Nobody noticed my appearance at first. The normal potions class frenzy was well underway with only twenty minutes of class time to go; the Slytherins were all seated on the left side of the room and the Gryffindors were on the right. Students were either bent over their cauldrons or busy chopping up ingredients, their faces sweaty and red from the heat. I cast my gaze around the room, eager to spot the Potions professor before he spotted me, but I couldn't see most of the Gryffindor side of the classroom through the thick black smoke that was currently billowing out of Neville's cauldron.

I was halfway to my regular seat between Ron and Hermione when I heard Snape before I saw him.

"-useless boy!" He was snapping at Neville as the poor boy cowered in fear. "The instructions are clearly printed both on the blackboard and in the textbook. Tell me, Longbottom, where in either source does it say that the porcupine quills are supposed to be added _before_ the rat's spleen?"

Neville looked to be on the verge of tears at this point. He was slumped on his workbench, cheeks tinged pink with embarrassment and lower lip quivering. I heard a snigger from the other side of the room and looked over to find all of the Slytherins watching the spectacle as if it were a sporting event. Malfoy was busy mimicking Neville. My insides burned with anger.

Snape waved his wand and the contents of Neville's cauldron vanished. Another wave and the thick smoke was gone too. "Twenty points from Gryffindor for acting like an ignorant fool. Be grateful that it isn't fifty."

Snape turned away from Neville's empty cauldron at the same time I reached Ron and Hermione's workbench. I froze in the act of setting down my bag as his cold black eyes landed on me and his lip curled into an awful sneer.

"Well, well… Mr. Potter has finally decided to grace us with his presence," Snape said as the Slytherins all laughed again. Snape stalked over and looked down his hook-like nose at me. He was so close that I could count every greasy pore on his face if I wanted. "What, Mr. Potter, do you think gives you the right to enter my classroom _thirty minutes into the lesson?_"

I reflexively took a step back. I hated to admit it, but the man was definitely intimidating when he was in a foul mood, which was pretty much every day. I reminded myself that angering Snape right now was probably not a good idea, given the fact that I would be spending at least an hour locked in a room with him later this evening.

"I had a meeting with Professor McGonagall, sir," I said stiffly.

Snape sneered. "That isn't what I asked, Potter. What are you doing in my classroom?"

I blinked at him for a moment. "Sir?"

"Nobody is talented enough to brew a sufficient Pepperup Potion in twenty minutes," said Snape, looking smug. "Not even someone as arrogant as you, Potter."

The classroom rang with laughter from the Slytherin side and indignant muttering from the Gryffindor side. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ron open his mouth furiously and he started to rise from his seat until a swift kick in the shin from Hermione stopped him. I pretended that Snape's words hadn't made an impact even though they privately stung.

When he failed to get the reaction he wanted out of me Snape's smirk morphed into a glare. "Get out of my classroom, Potter," he spat, then turned and swept up to the front of the class, his black cloak billowing out behind him. I gaped after him. When he was almost to his desk he called out over his shoulder, "Report to my office at six o'clock for a remedial potions lesson. I will not tolerate tardiness."

Fuming, I seized my bag and slung it over my shoulder furiously, accidentally hitting Ron in the head with it. I guiltily mumbled a feeble apology out of the corner of my mouth and Ron just nodded, rubbing his head while he gave me a look that said, _sorry mate._

Malfoy had fallen out of his chair laughing about my "remedial potions lesson" and I had to step over him on my way to the door. I made sure to trod on his fingers while I marched by. I slammed the door loudly behind me and then I was back in the cold, dark corridor, all alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! I'm just playing with the characters.

I apologize for the beginning of this chapter- I'm not quite sure I got the characterization of Cho Chang correct or not, but I really don't like her (I think she's shallow and annoying) so I wanted to get her out of the way. So if you believe her actions are a little over the top, just cast it aside and trust me when I say that I will avoid writing her dramatic character as much as possible. With that said, enjoy the new chapter and don't forget to review!

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Chapter 4

This day was just going from bad to worse, and it wasn't even noon yet.

I decided to go back to Gryffindor Tower to exchange books before History of Magic so that I wouldn't have to double back after lunch, when I was intercepted in the Charms corridor by Cho Chang. Normally this would have been a good thing, given the fact that she'd kissed me before the Christmas Holidays and I'd had a crush on her for over a year, but I unfortunately happen to be a bit dense when it comes to interpreting the inner workings of the female mind. So I guess it was only to be expected that when she hinted about wanting me to ask her to Hogsmeade I accidentally said no.

"Harry!" She'd cried delightedly and rushed towards me. "I didn't see you this morning at breakfast!"

Her Charms class had just been dismissed so the corridor was streaming with students. I had to dodge around a burly sixth year Ravenclaw to have a clear view of her. My stomach fluttered uncomfortably when I realized that she must have been looking for me earlier in the Great Hall.

"Oh! Well, my friend Ron- d'you know Ron?- he-"

"Oh yeah, the Tornado hater, right?" she interrupted coolly and I immediately wished I hadn't brought him up. She flipped her long hair over her shoulder dramatically before smiling sweetly at me.

"So did you have a nice holiday?" she said.

"Yeah, it was- it was pretty nice," I stammered. My tongue always managed to tie itself up into knots when I spoke to her. "Did you?"

"Oh yes!" said Cho excitedly and began to prattle on about how she'd gone to visit her grandmother in China. At first I listened raptly, fascinated with the information about foreign wizarding countries, but then a flash of pink out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. My eyes jumped down the corridor and landed on Dolores Umbridge. She had exited a door farther down the hallway and there was a box filled with what appeared to be papers levitating in front of her. She strode purposefully down the stairs, her pink heals clipping on the stone floor and the box floating along after her.

My insides burned with dislike at the sight of her and curiosity at what was in the box, and I momentarily forget who I was supposed to be listening to. I paid for it dearly a moment later.

"-would you like to?" Cho finished and looked at me expectedly. My eyes snapped back to her and I pretended that I hadn't been distracted, but it was difficult with my curiosity so freshly stoked. I tried to beat it down.

"Er- sorry Cho, not now, I have to get to my next class." I said. It was too late to go back to Gryffindor Tower now.

She stared at me in surprise.

"Oh- But I thought…" she trailed off, thinking, and then her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I suppose you're already going with Hermione Granger, is that it?" she said coldly.

"What?" I said, confused at why she was asking me whether Hermione was walking me to my next class. "No… I'm just meeting her there…."

The rest of my words were drowned out by the sharp slap across my face. Stunned, I cupped my stinging cheek as Cho glared at me.

"I knew it. I knew you were a liar. I should have believed Marietta!" Tears of anger and hurt glistened in her eyes as I gaped at her.

"Cho?" I choked out, hesitant to say anything more in case she decided to slap me again. So I settled for merely staring at her and before I knew it tears began sliding down her cheeks at an alarming rate.

"Cho!" Abandoning my useless silent front I weakly reached out my hand in an attempt to comfort her.

"Don't touch m-me!" she cried. Several students in the corridor looked around to see what the commotion was. I could feel my face growing hot as I stared helplessly at her. It seemed like all I ever managed to do was make her cry.

"Cho- What- Don't be-"

"L-leave me alone, Harry!" she spat and then stormed off, leaving me sputtering behind.

Ten minutes later I threw myself into a chair beside Hermione in History of Magic. "Cho just slapped me and I don't know why," I said.

Hermione looked at me, her eyes round. "What?" she gasped. "Harry, what did you say to her?"

"Why do you automatically assume it was something I said?" I retorted, glaring.

"Well she wouldn't have slapped you without reason, would she!"

Our argument caught the attention of Ron, who had been rummaging in his bag for a quill and demanded to know what was going on, so I confessed the whole story in a whisper as Professor Bins lectured about Goblin wars. As I spoke I noticed Hermione's expression growing more and more exasperated.

"Harry!" she hissed, and Ron and I had to shush her as many heads in the sleepy class turned towards us. "She was probably trying to get you to ask her to Hogsmeade!"

I gaped at her. "What?"

"There's a Hogsmeade trip on Valentine's Day! And now she thinks you're taking me instead!"

I shook my head in denial. "No way. She knows that we're just friends."

"Maybe she's jealous," Ron unexpectedly pointed out. "You spend so much time around me and Hermione…."

"I think you're right," said Hermione and Ron grinned, obviously pleased with himself. "And when you told her 'no' she probably jumped to conclusions. But now you've just confirmed her suspicions, even if they aren't actually true."

I allowed my head to fall to the table with a loud thud. Sometimes I could be a real daft prat.

"So what do I do now?" I asked desperately, my voice muffled.

"You approach her and tell her that it was all just a misunderstanding," said Hermione. "And then you ask her to Hogsmeade."

"But what if Harry doesn't really want to go to Hogsmeade with her?" said Ron. "I mean, I always thought she was a bit snotty and-" But he cut himself off at Hermione's reproachful glare.

Ron's words got me thinking, however. Did I actually want to go into Hogsmeade with Cho after this? I didn't know her very well and it was bound to be uncomfortable, especially after such a bad misunderstanding. And it was true that whenever she was in my presence she started crying…. But it would be worth it if I liked her, wouldn't it?

_I liked her before she slapped me and called me a liar, an unbidden voice in the back of my mind said. But now…._

0 0 0 0 0 0

I didn't see Cho again that day and was somewhat relieved. She wasn't in the Great Hall for lunch, and she was absent again at dinner. Usually I would have taken the time to feel guilty about this, if not for the fact that my stomach was already writhing with nerves over my impending Occlumency lesson.

I went down to an early dinner with Ron and Hermione and managed to force a few bites of chicken down my throat before I felt too queasy to eat anymore. I therefore settled for pushing the rest of my food around my plate as my friends tried their best to keep my mind off Snape.

"We should probably start our History of Magic essay tonight," Hermione was saying earnestly after taking a sip of pumpkin juice. "I know that goblin wars are just a review but we should still do a bit more research in the library. I don't know why but I keep mixing up Emeric the Evil and Euric the Oddball-"

"It's the first day of classes, Hermione," Ron interrupted through a mouthful of potatoes. "Relax! We'll have all weekend to do homework, right Harry?"

"Our O.W.L's are coming up! Do you want to fail every subject? Because that's what's going to happen when you don't take the time to study!" said Hermione angrily.

"You wouldn't let us fail," said Ron simply. He began shoveling peas into his mouth. "And besides, we have ages. I don't want to spend six solid months in the library, I'd prefer to limit that to June only."

Hermione huffed but for once didn't press the subject.

"Blimey!" Ron suddenly exclaimed. "I've just remembered- you never told us what McGonagall wanted, Harry."

They both looked at me expectantly.

I hesitated for a moment and sighed, realizing I shouldn't keep this from them. "Sirius told Dumbledore about the scars on my hand," I confessed.

Hermione gasped and Ron just gaped at me.

"You told Sirius?" asked Ron, dumbfounded.

"What's Dumbledore going to do about it?" Hermione whispered. "They can't _possibly_ let Umbridge continue teaching here if they know what she's doing."

"I didn't _tell_ Sirius, exactly… He sort of saw them the last night we were at headquarters. He wasn't very happy," I explained grimly. "And McGonagall said that she and Dumbledore would handle it. I'm not sure what that means, really, but she made it pretty clear that she doesn't want Umbridge teaching here anymore."

"I should think not!" said Hermione. "That's got to be some form of child abuse, using a quill like that on a student. I'll be very surprised if they don't take this to court."

Hermione's words reminded me of something McGonagall said in her office. "Did you know that quill was an illegal object?" I asked, glancing from one friend to the other.

Hermione shook her head and Ron frowned. "I think I might've heard something about a quill like that from Dad once," Ron said, frowning. "Maybe something about how wizards used to use them on criminals in the dark ages."

"Oh Ron, don't be silly, that quill can't possibly be _that_ old," said Hermione impishly.

"I'm just saying what I thought Dad said!" Ron snapped back. "Jeez, Hermione, I say one thing-"

I glanced at my watch and felt my stomach jolt. It was five minutes to six o'clock. I leapt up from my seat and grabbed my bag.

"I'll see you guys later," I said hurriedly. They abandoned their argument to wish me good luck as I turned and walked briskly out of the Great Hall and towards the dungeons for the second time that day. My breath rose in puffs as I hurried down the stone steps. Even in the summer, the dungeons were bitterly cold. _Like a cave_, I thought, and I had to suppress a snigger as a mental picture formed of Snape clinging to the ceiling of his dungeon with his feet, like an overgrown bat.

I reached Snape's office door and warily raised my hand to knock hollowly on the dark wood. There was a slight pause and then-

"Enter."

I slid the door open and peered inside. The office was dark and there were several dead slimy creatures floating in jars along the walls. They seemed to be illuminated by the lone burning lamp on the desk. Snape was sitting behind his desk grading papers. He didn't look up at me, nor did he speak until I had taken a seat in the chair across from him.

"You're late, Potter. When I tell you to be here at six o'clock, I do not mean six-o-five. Ten points from Gryffindor." He scrawled a spiky letter D at the top of the unfortunate student's paper that he was grading, then grabbed the entire pile of essays and shoved them into a desk drawer.

I noticed then that there was a large stone basin sitting on the desk- _a Pensieve._ I wondered whether it was Dumbledore's or if Snape had his own… What was it doing here?

Snape leaned back in his chair and glared at me. I stared back. "Occlumency is not a subject that can be mastered by anyone who lacks focus or… _dedication_. It is difficult for the average wizard to learn, so we can only hope that you will be more… _adept_ at it than you happen to be in Potions."

I frowned slightly at that, but remained silent. Snape regarded me for a moment before continuing.

"Occlumency is the study of concealing the mind against the invasion of an outside force-"

"What sort of outside force?" I asked worriedly. This didn't sound good to me.

"As these lessons will be taking place in my office, under my supervision, and consuming my own personal time, you are to call me 'Professor' or 'sir' at all times," spat Snape. "And you will not interrupt me again, do you understand me, Potter?"

I swallowed and nodded. "Yes… sir," I added quickly.

Snape glared pointedly at me again before continuing as though he hadn't been interrupted. "The Dark Lord is sufficiently skilled at Legilimency- the ability to penetrate the minds of his victims to implant false images or extract valuable information at will. The headmaster wishes me to teach you to close your mind to such attacks, as it seems you are vulnerable to invasion during the times when your mind is at rest. When you are sleeping," Snape elaborated at my look of confusion.

"You mean, Voldemort has been entering my mind?" I asked. This really did not sound good to me.

"Do not say the Dark Lord's name!" Snape hissed angrily. "The attack on Arthur Weasley over Christmas provides evidence-"

"But I saw that vision through the snake's eyes, not his!" I said, panicking. If Voldemort really could enter my mind, then who knew what he could make me do? What if he sent me against Ron, or Hermione, or the other boys in my dorm next? Or Sirius, the next time we were at Grimmauld Place? It would be like being possessed-

"I thought I just told you not to interrupt me, Potter?"

I wasn't listening, however. "How come I saw the vision from the snake's perspective, then? Sir?" I asked desperately. "If Voldemort's the one-"

"You saw the vision through the eyes of the snake because the Dark Lord was at that moment possessing the snake," Snape said dangerously. "_Do not interrupt me again._"

There was a silence as we glared at each other across the desk.

"As I was saying, the vision you experienced at Christmas provides evidence that you and the Dark Lord share a connection between your minds. This connection has enabled you to experience some of his thoughts and emotions... The headmaster believes that the Dark Lord has previously been unaware of such a connection, and therefore hasn't been able to manipulate it… yet. However, the attack at Christmas pulled you so deeply into the Dark Lord's mind that we believe he may have sensed your presence."

I pulled myself forward so that I was perched right upon the edge of my seat. "So… so that means… that Vol- _he_- might try and make me do things now that he knows about the connection? Sir?"

"As you so eloquently stated Potter, yes, that is what the Headmaster and I have concluded," Snape replied in a bored voice.

I stared hard at the Pensieve, my mind swirling with this new information. "And I'm learning Occlumency in order to block him out?" I said incredulously. "Can that even be done?"

Snape heaved an exasperated sigh and said, "As I stated before, the Dark Lord is highly skilled in Legilimency... however, we would not be wasting time here if I believed it could not be done." He pushed out his chair and strode around the desk. "Take out your wand and stand across from me."

I hastened to obey, stumbling slightly on my robes as I rose. I saw Snape draw his own wand and couldn't suppress a nervous swoop in my stomach. But rather than cursing me into oblivion, Snape merely held the wand against his temple and as he withdrew it, I could see a long silver strand of memory clinging to the tip. He slowly lowered it into the Pensieve and repeated this action several more times. Once he was done he turned back to me, wand held at the ready.

"I am going to attempt to penetrate your mind," said Snape. "You may use your wand to defend yourself or otherwise attempt to disarm me."

I stared at him nervously. "What- what exactly am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"Expelling someone from your mind is similar to battling the Imperious Curse. Try to focus on forcing me out rather than the memories you will see."

I nodded and raised my wand, preparing myself- for what, I didn't know. My heart began to beat fast and irregularly.

"Get ready now… Three, two, one- _Legilimens!_"

It was as if a film had begun playing in my head, only the images that flashed before my eyes were fleeting… I was eight, watching the Dursleys eat their dinner through the tiny square window of the locked back door… I was twelve and a giant serpent was rising above me, blood streaming from its punctured eyes… I was thirteen, and a hundred dementors were gliding silently across the lake towards me as I screamed the incantation, _'Expecto Patronum'_….

The images continued their assault on my mind, flashing faster and faster until I began to feel sick. And then suddenly the pressure on my skull was gone, and I became aware of the fact that I was lying face-down on the stone floor of Snape's office.

"Pathetic, Potter. You didn't even try to push me out."

Snape's cold voice cut through my tortured mind like a knife and I groaned, holding the sides of my head in my hands.

"Showing weakness after the first attempt? Now there is something I would never have expected from the Boy Who Lived…" I could almost hear the sneer in his voice and forced myself to raise my head from the ground. I was shaky and felt feverish.

Snape was standing above me with his arms crossed. He was smirking. "By all means, Potter, take all the time you need," he said sarcastically. I could tell he was enjoying seeing me lying prostrate at his feet though. I struggled to my knees and had to lean on the desk in order to stand upright. I realized that my scar was burning and I rubbed it.

Something occurred to me then that made my stomach lurch unpleasantly. "Can- can you see everything that I see? Sir?" I asked.

Snape smirked. "Flashes of it," he replied nastily.

So Snape could very well witness some of my deepest, darkest secrets through these Occlumency lessons… Brilliant.

"We will try again," said Snape, taking a few steps back. "Clear your mind."

"Clear my-?"

"Close your eyes. Empty your mind of all thoughts and emotions. Focus on feeling nothing."

I closed my eyes and tried to do as he asked, but it was a lot harder than it sounded. I still felt sick, and didn't like standing in front of a wand-wielding Snape with my eyes closed.

"You're not doing it, Potter. Relax your mind."

"I'm trying!" I snapped, feeling irritated and tired. "Just give me a moment, will you?"

"I thought I told you to respect me while you are in my office," he growled, and I imagined that if my eyes were open I would see his lip curling. Instead, I kept my eyes closed and took several deep breaths. I tried to think of nothing but the blackness of the back of my eyelids. When I felt ready I nodded, keeping my eyes closed.

I heard his robes swish as he raised his wand arm. "Prepare yourself- _Legilimens!_"

The vivid images immediately assaulted my mind again. A towering black dragon reared before me … the Weasley twins were rescuing me from my locked bedroom on Privet Drive, an airborne Ford Anglia hovering outside the window… Hermione was lying on a hospital bed, frozen as if made of stone… a woman was screaming and pleading to be sacrificed rather than her son… the silhouette of a skeletally thin man was rising slowly from a stone cauldron…

_No,_ I thought desperately, fighting the image of Lord Voldemort as he turned his red eyes toward me… _Not this…. Please, no… NO!_

With a jolt I was brought back to reality as my behind hit the floor with a thump. Snape had stumbled and was holding a hand to his wrist, where a large red welt was beginning to form.

"That was slightly better, Potter…," he panted. "Was it your intention to use a Stinging hex?"

I shook my head, out of breath. I lowered my wand, which I belatedly realized was still pointing at Snape.

He crossed the room and pulled a jar of salve off one of the shelves and began dabbing it onto his wrist. "You allowed your fear of that memory to control you," he said quietly, screwing the top back on the jar. "You defended yourself but failed to push me out. Fear of a memory will only fuel the Dark Lord's power over you; you are handing him weapons."

I rose, resisting the urge to rub the bruise I knew was forming where I had landed. I felt as if I'd been beaten repeatedly by a large stick, and my skin was clammy as though I'd just encountered a dementor.

"That's enough for tonight," Snape said. He sounded tired. "You are to practice clearing your mind every night before bed. And understand me when I say that I will know if you have not practiced."

"Yes, sir," I said.

"We will meet again on Wednesday evening at six o'clock. Do not be late."

I left the office. The walk back to Gryffindor Tower seemed to take much longer than usual. When I opened the portrait hole I immediately spotted Ron and Hermione in a corner of the common room. I walked over to the table where they'd spread out their homework and collapsed into a chair.

"Harry! How was- Oh, you look horrible!" Hermione exclaimed upon seeing my pallid face. She put a hand to my forehead before I could bat her arm away. "You feel like you might have a fever."

"I think I'm going to go to bed," I said, feeling ill.

"But it's only nine," said Ron.

I shook my head and rubbed my scar with my fist. "I'll see you tomorrow."

They watched me walk unsteadily to the stairs. "Goodnight, Harry," said Hermine softly.

**A/N: **So what did you think? I'm proud of the Occlumency scene but let me know what you guys think! I love hearing different perspectives :)


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